New baby on the way...let's just be honest...little bit terrified about this prospect! Excited, yes; blessed, yes; humbled, beyond belief; but also scared. I am not the world's most patient person! I lose my temper at the drop of a hat (and over the stupidest things...my poor kids). I don't deal well with change, or lack of sleep, or the self consciousness that comes with a very rapidly growing body. When we first got married there was much discussion and the conclusion was made that four would be the perfect number of children for our family. Now that I am faced with just that scenario...I find myself doubting that I can really do this! I already feel crazy outnumbered! I find myself uttering silent prayers on a very regular basis begging for the strength and mental stamina to do this.We had our ultrasound a few weeks ago and found out that I have placenta previa, (my placenta is covering the opening to my uterus blocking the baby's way out) which, after much discussion and research, is potentially a very minor deal. There is about a 90% chance that it will move up and out of the baby's way by the time the baby is due. I am trying really hard to just relax and not dwell on this. After all, there is NOTHING that I can do to change this situation. But it makes me just a little nervous to think that my plans for a totally natural birth may be changing. (See previous statement about not handling change well!) So, until my follow up ultrasound in 4 and a half weeks (not that I'm counting), I am just trying to have positive thoughts and affirmations that everything will be fine! The baby looks perfect! Good, strong heart, fully formed spine, good looking brain, no cleft lip or pallet...you know, all the important stuff! So I will focus on that! But any positive thoughts/prayers you want to send my way would be appreciated!
My other three kids...I am so lucky and blessed to be "Mom" to these three incredible spirits! They keep me on my toes! It never ceases to amaze me that the same combination of genetic material can produce such vastly different outcomes! :) Evan is my little brainiac! He loves to read and write. He comes up with some of the most creative ideas for stories! I often find him reading stories to Kaylie (she will ask him to read to her before she will ask me sometimes!) He is such a caring, considerate big brother! Dillon is my little tender heart. He is so snuggly! He loves to be my big helper. He especially likes helping me with the laundry and coming to the grocery store with me! I can always count on Dillon for a cuddle and a sweet smile if I've had a hard day. And my little princess! Kaylie is such a sweet girl! I can't believe how fast she is learning and growing. I feel like I missed out on so much of that while I was working. It's like I blinked and she wasn't a baby anymore...She loves her big brothers! She has a hard time going to bed at night if they aren't there to sing her songs and give her kisses! I find myself wishing I could freeze time and just savor every little thing that they do...they are growing and changing so fast.
You know, after listing their most sweet attributes, I am getting more excited to see how they interact with a new little one! There will be some rough adjustments ahead I am sure, but I have no doubt that this new little one was meant to be a part of our family and I know that Heavenly Father will bless us all (even Kaylie!) with the extra room in our hearts for this precious addition!My amazing husband...I am so blessed to have Ben in my life! I lost sight of that blessing for a while and I am grateful every day for the miracle of his selfless love, patience, forgiveness and willingness to let go of the past and move forward. He is such a wonderful daddy! I think we balance each other out quite nicely and I am so lucky to have him to share this parenting journey with!!
I think I will wrap this up before it gets too long!! Thank you for letting me vent! It is amazing how clear my thoughts become when I sort through them and put them all out there! It really helps me find and focus on the positive things! I really am looking forward to this next step in my little journey through this life!!
