He's Finally Here!!

For all of those who don't know, our 4th child, Owen Chance Ellis, joined our family at 1:32 AM on Sept. 27th! He was in a BIG hurry to get here! I woke up feeling my first real contractions shortly after 1 AM and he was born half an hour later! (For the complete story you can go here, trust me, it's worth the read!) He weighed 8 lbs, 6 oz and was 20 inches long. Our biggest baby by almost a pound! He is fitting in very well with our family. All the kids (yes, even Kaylie) love him to pieces! They are always asking if they can hold the baby or touch the baby or kiss the baby. Kaylie calls him "baby Omen" which I think is really adorable, especially in her little helium voice!! :) My recovery is going well. I am currently fighting a UTI, but hopefully once that clears up I will be almost back to normal.

I am feeling very thoughtful the past few days. It's hard to explain my feelings...it's no secret that I pretty much hated being pregnant for the last three months or so, but looking back now, I wish I would have tried to relax and enjoy it just a little more. After all, I'll probably never get that chance again. We are ready to move on to the next stage of our lives, raising and teaching and enjoying our kiddos as they grow, but the baby stage is done now. I am really grateful that we decided to do HypnoBirthing this time around. Owen's birth was such an amazing, spiritual, intimate, empowering experience. I truly wish I could have done that with all of my other babies! I wish I could have experienced this labor/delivery for a little bit longer than I did (32 mins isn't very long to labor!) just to say that I got to use some of the amazing relaxation techniques that I learned and to really take control of my body. I almost feel like I cheated a little bit and didn't have to work for this baby! :) But I wouldn't trade this experience for the world and Owen is such a perfect result! I am having a hard time letting go of this experience. My HypnoBirthing practice schedule is still up on my fridge. I can't bring myself to take down the friendly reminder to relax daily and practice my breathing and to work with my husband regularly to achieve the most favorable outcome possible from this labor. I was so excited to be done...and now I find myself crying because I don't want to let go...(stupid hormones)!

So, the long and short of this post I guess...Through this experience I have learned that I am a strong person and I can do hard things! I birthed a baby on the living room floor! (If you didn't click on the link and read the story, you missed all that!) Owen is a perfect little blessing from a very loving Heavenly Father. I hope I can live up to His trust and expectations by raising a strong little boy, a worthy Missionary, and a caring, devoted husband and father. I hope he turns out to be like his own Dad who stood right by my side through this whole thing. I love you Ben. And I love you too, Owen! I am so excited to get to know you!

36 weeks & 6 days...but who's counting really?

I will be 37 weeks pregnant on Sunday. I am SOOOOOO ready to be done! There are times that I love being pregnant. I love to feel the baby wiggle and kick. I love having an excuse to eat a little extra of my favorite things! And, let's be honest, when my belly is huge, my boobs look a LOT smaller! :) However, when I get to this point, it gets to be a little much for me. My hips and back are extremely painful, especially at night. I feel like I am constantly trying to catch my breath, and my heart races when I do something as simple as walk up the stairs. The heartburn is ridiculous...oh, and I am really tired of getting up every two hours to pee...

I know I shouldn't complain. I truly feel blessed that my body can do amazing things, like grow an entire human being, but at the end, it's just so darn uncomfortable! I am just super anxious to get this little one here, meet him/her, and start getting my body back...so here's to hoping that this baby will come sooner rather than later and certainly not any later than Sept 25th, which is the actual due date!!

32 Weeks...and counting!

Well, I am officially 32 weeks pregnant! I went to the Midwife this morning and I am measuring 33 cm (hopefully that means a baby that will come a little bit earlier than later!) and things look good! The placenta previa from before is gone. Like I said...90% chance that it will move up and out of the way, which it did! Baby is head down and fluid levels are great! I feel pretty good (aside from hip/lower back discomfort that is oh so common for me during pregnancy!)

I can't believe how fast the time has flown this pregnancy...I only have 8 weeks left (if that) and that seems crazy to me!! We have been trying to get everything ready for the new baby. Kaylie is now downstairs with the boys in the "big kid room" and is settling in there. Some nights are a little difficult for the three of them (meaning mostly Kaylie) to settle down, but for the most part, they are all adjusting well. Once the baby is born and we know the gender, there will be some room adjusting in the future, but this works for now!

The kids are getting excited! They love to feel the baby kick and move when they sit on my lap or snuggle with me (since, let's be honest, I don't have much of a lap left)! Ben is feeling much better after his appendectomy three weeks ago, for which I am very grateful! He was even able to help me paint the nursery! :) And he loved every second of it! But it looks so cute! I will add pictures when I get the room put back together! The boys were such a big help with the painting and furniture rearranging! They are so sweet, I can't believe how lucky I am!

So, here's to the next eight weeks...may we get everything that we can ready for this blessed occasion! I can't wait to meet our new little one and hold him/her in my arms!

A Pensive Day...

I find myself lost in thought today...thoughts of a new baby (who is starting to kick so hard that it takes my breath away sometimes!), thoughts of my other three wonderful children, thoughts of my amazing husband, thoughts of my childhood (some good, most not so pleasant)...my list could go on and on really...and I feel the need to sort them out. So here I go. Please feel free to skip this post if you'd like, it will mostly be me rambling and will probably get boring! I will not take offense, I promise!

New baby on the way...let's just be honest...little bit terrified about this prospect! Excited, yes; blessed, yes; humbled, beyond belief; but also scared. I am not the world's most patient person! I lose my temper at the drop of a hat (and over the stupidest things...my poor kids). I don't deal well with change, or lack of sleep, or the self consciousness that comes with a very rapidly growing body. When we first got married there was much discussion and the conclusion was made that four would be the perfect number of children for our family. Now that I am faced with just that scenario...I find myself doubting that I can really do this! I already feel crazy outnumbered! I find myself uttering silent prayers on a very regular basis begging for the strength and mental stamina to do this.We had our ultrasound a few weeks ago and found out that I have placenta previa, (my placenta is covering the opening to my uterus blocking the baby's way out) which, after much discussion and research, is potentially a very minor deal. There is about a 90% chance that it will move up and out of the baby's way by the time the baby is due. I am trying really hard to just relax and not dwell on this. After all, there is NOTHING that I can do to change this situation. But it makes me just a little nervous to think that my plans for a totally natural birth may be changing. (See previous statement about not handling change well!) So, until my follow up ultrasound in 4 and a half weeks (not that I'm counting), I am just trying to have positive thoughts and affirmations that everything will be fine! The baby looks perfect! Good, strong heart, fully formed spine, good looking brain, no cleft lip or pallet...you know, all the important stuff! So I will focus on that! But any positive thoughts/prayers you want to send my way would be appreciated!

My other three kids...I am so lucky and blessed to be "Mom" to these three incredible spirits! They keep me on my toes! It never ceases to amaze me that the same combination of genetic material can produce such vastly different outcomes! :) Evan is my little brainiac! He loves to read and write. He comes up with some of the most creative ideas for stories! I often find him reading stories to Kaylie (she will ask him to read to her before she will ask me sometimes!) He is such a caring, considerate big brother! Dillon is my little tender heart. He is so snuggly! He loves to be my big helper. He especially likes helping me with the laundry and coming to the grocery store with me! I can always count on Dillon for a cuddle and a sweet smile if I've had a hard day. And my little princess! Kaylie is such a sweet girl! I can't believe how fast she is learning and growing. I feel like I missed out on so much of that while I was working. It's like I blinked and she wasn't a baby anymore...She loves her big brothers! She has a hard time going to bed at night if they aren't there to sing her songs and give her kisses! I find myself wishing I could freeze time and just savor every little thing that they do...they are growing and changing so fast.

You know, after listing their most sweet attributes, I am getting more excited to see how they interact with a new little one! There will be some rough adjustments ahead I am sure, but I have no doubt that this new little one was meant to be a part of our family and I know that Heavenly Father will bless us all (even Kaylie!) with the extra room in our hearts for this precious addition!

My amazing husband...I am so blessed to have Ben in my life! I lost sight of that blessing for a while and I am grateful every day for the miracle of his selfless love, patience, forgiveness and willingness to let go of the past and move forward. He is such a wonderful daddy! I think we balance each other out quite nicely and I am so lucky to have him to share this parenting journey with!!

I think I will wrap this up before it gets too long!! Thank you for letting me vent! It is amazing how clear my thoughts become when I sort through them and put them all out there! It really helps me find and focus on the positive things! I really am looking forward to this next step in my little journey through this life!!

Hypnobirthing...and such

As some of you may know, we are expecting baby number four! This was a total surprise for us...since we had pretty much decided that Kaylie would be our last (you know, since she has such an easygoing and mild-mannered personality and all...) and I made the mistake of saying, out loud to Ben, "If we do have another one it will have to be a surprise because I'm done!" Famous last words right? Blasted Karma...

So, our new little treasure will be joining our family in late September! This will be our last baby (oh yes, yes it will) and Ben and I wanted a whole different experience this time.

Now, don't get me wrong; I have never had a bad birth experience. All three of my kids were born without major complications. I had an epidural with all three and never had a bad reaction to it. I had relatively quick recoveries with the 2nd and 3rd deliveries. But through the whole experience and looking back on it now, I felt like an observer in the birth process. I was basically trapped on my back in a bed strapped to various monitors and iv's and medications and such...I couldn't really feel to push or anything...and looking back, I just didn't feel like I participated in the birth very much.

Enter good friend who has had both of her babies using Hypnobirthing...

She raves about this process. It is amazing and wonderful and empowering...Hmmm...

So Ben and I started looking into this. We have been participating in a Hypnobirthing class for about three or four weeks now and I have to admit, I am excited! After our first class, I felt really good about this! I know what you may be thinking.."Hypnobirthing? Is she crazy? What kind of voodoo is that?" I was a little iffy at first too, but it isn't anything crazy at all! It's just about trusting our bodies to do what God intended them to do without medical intervention. It's all about helping my body do this in the easiest, safest way for both me and the baby. It's about listening to my body and actually participating in the birth by moving and breathing. It's about my freedom to have this baby how I want and not how the Dr. or hospital thinks I should! I had my first appointment with the midwives today...and they are great! She said that about 60-70% of their ladies give birth naturally and that Ben can even help deliver the baby if he wants! Yeah, gown and gloves and catch the baby...how cool is that!?! So, I am really starting to see how my friend could think this is amazing and empowering! My brother is already making fun of me...but who cares, right? He ain't having no baby! :) I kind of can't wait!

Oh, and we are also not finding out what gender the baby is, so don't ask! (It's hard enough!) :)

So, this is my new journey...wish me luck! This is gonna' be amazing!

30 Days of Truth

Ok, I am just going to go through and answer the questions that I really like, or that I feel are more thought provoking...because obviously, I am no good at the daily thing!

So the next question I am going to answer is this:

Someone you didn't want to let go of, but you just drifted...

Growing up I had two really good friends. One was a girl who lived across the street, her name is Malia, and the other was a girl in my church class who's birthday was two weeks before mine who lived one street away. Her name is Chelsey. I pretty much spent as much time as possible with these girls! If I wasn't at Chelsey's, I was at Malia's or visa versa. I knew both of their families very well and greatly respected both of their parents. They were all such good people!!

Just before we started Junior High, Chelsey moved to Springville (funny, that's where I ended up!) and we just couldn't spend as much time together. She, of course, made new friends (she is such a fun, bubbly girl!) and we just drifted...we kept in touch for a while, but it was hard. We were young teenagers with no driver's licenses or cars!! :)

Malia and I stayed closer for longer. We used to walk together almost every morning in the summers. When we were about 15 or 16 years old, they divided our ward boundaries. Our street and the two next streets over were cut out of the old ward and put into an existing ward. I didn't take it so well. Malia was pretty much the only thing that kept me going to church. When high school came around, I decided to go to an out of boundary High School, which meant that Malia and I wouldn't be attending the same school. I think this is when we kind of started to go our separate ways. We still lived across the street from each other and would still talk, but we both were busy high school students and no longer had much extra time to spend together. When I was a senior in high school, we moved away from that neighborhood and that was pretty much the end.

Looking back now, I feel kind of selfish. I could have made more time for my friend. We lived twenty steps away from each other. But I was young and absorbed in the drama that was my high school life.

Malia's father passed away shortly after we moved. My mom and I came back as soon as we heard and went to comfort Malia, her sister and her mom. (Her brother was serving a mission in Canada). I remember feeling so helpless. I was heartbroken. Malia's dad was amazing. I remember listening to him sit on their front porch on warm summer nights playing his ukulele or guitar and singing Hawaiian songs. He made shaved ice every summer and sold it to all the neighborhood kids (though he would usually give me one or two for free :)) He was always so willing to serve anyone in need. He taught his children to work hard and he was such a wonderful example of a friend and father. I was feeling a tremendous loss, and I couldn't fathom the loss that my dear friend was feeling. I was unsure of what to say to comfort her. I just felt lost as I watched her hug her mom and sister as they all cried together. After that, we just drifted. Malia moved to New York to pursue her career. She still lives there. She has a very clever blog that I look in on every so often. She always was a fantastic writer!

So, if I could do it all again, I would make so much more of an effort to stay in touch with both of these amazing women. There were many times in my life that I could have used the love and support of my closest childhood friends. I know they are both doing very well, but I wish I could say that we have re-kindled our friendships. I am afraid too much time has gone by. I still think very highly of them both and remember them with incredible fondness. To Malia and Chelsey, wherever you are; thank you for those many years of friendship and love that you gave to me. The many nights of girly sleepover fun, the many times you lent a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear for secrets. I am sorry for any stupid things I ever did or said, and for things that I never did or said that I should have. I hope you are both well, and I love you.

30 Days of Truth...Day 7

Someone who has made your life worth living for...

Him...

Her...

Him...

And him...

And them...

And definitely them...

I think you get the idea!! My family means the whole world to me! Without them, I wouldn't be half the person I am. I love them all more than words can begin to describe and am so blessed and grateful that Heavenly Father gave them to ME!!